ugly postcards

For those of you who don’t know, I have an ugly/entertaining postcard collection and I love it dearly. I’m not sure how it started, but I’m pretty sure that the idea was that it’s much more fun to go on a quest to find ugly/entertaining postcards than to just pick out any random “nice” card and send it. And so the tradition began. I’ve got a pretty decent collection going…my quick count revealed over 80, and I’m sure I have some others hidden away somewhere. As much as I enjoy the postcards, I’ve always been sort of at a loss over what to do with them. When I lived with my parents, I had them up on my bedroom wall (and even then I had so many that I was running out of empty wall space), but since I moved to the K-dub they’ve just been sitting in a box (tragic, I know). I take them out every once in a while to bask in their glory, but I’ve always wanted to share their fabulousness with others, because, well I do have some gems in my collection. Luckily blogs are good for this kind of thing, so I’ve decided to post my collection for the world to enjoy. Of course it’s going to take me a while, but I hope to post each and every one, so stay tuned to see the ones you’ve sent me. Want to get in on the action? Send an ugly postcard my way…you know you want to!

So without further ado, let the ugly begin!

oh PEI, you're so crazy!

Thanks to Rach (and her Hubby) for remembering me on their recent honeymoon in PEI, the land of the potato (or so I'm led to believe based on this postcard, as I've never been there myself).

To quote Rach: "Look out! Crossing potatoes! This might not be ugly so much as it is gold. Ahh, PEI potatoes!"

I say: AS IF that's not ugly. I mean, really Rach! They took pictures of potatoes, added cartoon legs, and then pasted it onto a picture of landscape that’s clearly had the colour “enhanced”… there’s no way that’s not ugly!

Thank you PEI (and Rach) for this beauty!

the Banana Splits

This is a postcard that Kilometres and I wrote for someone else (for those of you who don’t know, KM and I like to write absurd postcards for people…it’s good times, you should try it), but I was so fond of it that he gave it back to me. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard writing a postcard in my life. Enjoy!

Behold the fallen glory that was the juggernaut of children’s entertainment in the early 70s:

The Banana Splits.

The roster included the likes of Drug Abuse Dog (or DAD for short as he encouraged the kids to call him), Hypochondriphant, the paranoid disease fearing elephant character whose inability to let go of John Lionnen’s tail led to rampant rumours as to the nature of the relationship between the two core members of the group. There was also Beaver-Bear-Cat-Killa-Gorilla (though certainly not a gorilla), perhaps the individual in the group beset by the most problems, suffering from mild retardation [my note: I’m going to blame KM for that one…Community Psychology me would never have anything to do with that!] and an ever present species identity disorder, he was incarcerated after their final televised performance having gone on a rampage that ended with him eating a key grip. Rounding out the assemblage of zoological misfits was John Lionnen, the self proclaimed genius who founded the group. The photo pictured on front was taken shortly before the group was permanently dissolved when, out of protest over not receiving royalties from children’s lunch box sales, Lionnen sewed the mouth of his costume shut. This is the last known photo of the biggest selling children’s entertainment group from May 1972 to June 1972. Their rise to stardom was unheralded, but their songs will forever (or at least a while longer anyway) be remembered as a part of British music history. The following is a list of some of the songs on that best selling album:

Stick my banana in your split

Eat banana, eat eat banana

My banana has a curve in it

Splits need bananas

If you’re my friend, you’ll lick my split

Is that a banana in your pocket?

I just want to be your banana

and the ballad classic:

I just can’t stop (lovin’ your banana)


the horror!

So Kilometres and Jimmy Tree came down to the K-dub for one of Jimmy Tree’s many birthday celebrations. In honour of his visit, I decided to be a superstar and make him an ice cream cake. Being the slacker that I am, I didn’t start making the cake until a couple hours before they were expected to arrive, even though I knew it was supposed to freeze for about 4 hours before being served to achieve maximum deliciousness. In order to assist with the freezing, I decided to put the nearly finished cake in the freezer while I chopped up the Score bar topping. As I was pulling it out of the freezer to cover it with Score-y deliciousness, I did what I do best…I dropped it on the floor. I’m pretty sure I screamed because Charles, who was outside the apartment in the laundry room, knew something was up when I came to the door and told him I had just ruined Christmas.

Of course we had to take pictures…

Given that I’m a terrible human being, I considered just scooping it up and pretending nothing had happened (say it with me now: classy!). But because it was Jimmy Tree’s birthday I decided it would be best to make another one. So I scrambled to make another cake, being very careful not to drop it on the floor. It actually turned out pretty well (although it could have been a bit more frozen), as you can tell by how eager Jimmy Tree is to dig in. I liked it so much I made one for myself for my birthday, and I didn’t drop that one on the floor either. Check me out!!

I'm hot...

...or at least I look good. Allow me to explain:

So there’s this group of seniors who play cards at my centre a couple times a week. I don’t really ever talk to them, but every time I walk by I wave, say hello, and give them a big smile. They explode with happiness every time, and it’s great, it totally makes my day to know that just saying hi to them makes them so happy.

So today I passed one of them in the hall today and I smiled and said hi, as usual. Then, out of nowhere he grabs my arm and kind of spins me around so that I’m facing him and he starts telling me how good I look. It was so strange, but so entertaining...I just could not stop laughing. It was like holding this little secret inside him was killing him, so he finally decided he needed to let it out.

One of my favourite parts of the whole encounter was that every time he said I looked good he squeezed my arm (and let me tell you there was a lot of arm squeezing going on). The other part I truly enjoyed was that he closed by saying: “and I’m 91 years old, so I know what good looks like!” I mean, really, how can I argue with that? I just can’t. It was brilliant!

Dear, sweet seniors, how you make my day…